


4

by orphan_account



Series: Tumblr Prompts [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Lucifer's Cage, M/M, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-21
Updated: 2012-09-21
Packaged: 2017-11-14 18:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/518125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>thegirlwhobloggedlikeaman asked: Sam having a panic attack and Gabe helping him through it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	4

Gabriel can’t touch Sam when he’s like this.

That’s probably the hardest part. The way his palms itch and his fingers twitch, the way he has to clench his fists at his sides and stand as far away as possible while still keeping Sam in sight because if he gets too close, the urge to touch him, hold him, coddle him- it’ll be too much, it’ll overwhelm him, and Gabriel can’t risk triggering anything. Again.

It’s even worse when Sam’s like this, curled up in the corner of the bathroom, right up against the bathtub, across from the toilet he’d just been retching his guts into. He’s sitting there with his knees drawn up to his chest, head between his knees and rocking back and forth, little whimpers and sobs escaping, muffled. It’s worse like this because Sam can’t see, he doesn’t know what’s around him and Gabriel can’t make a  _sound,_ because it’ll probably spook Sam even more.

This isn’t the first time. It’s not the second. Or the fifth. Or even the tenth. This has been happening for a long time, and Gabriel’s learned. He’s learned the do’s and don’ts.

Don’t touch Sam. A soft touch will remind him of the fake caresses; the empty, sinister care that always prefaced the more wicked touches. A firm touch in attempt to bring him back to reality will remind him of the physical aggression, the punches and slaps and shoves.

Don’t hold Sam. Hugs constrict him, make him feel claustrophobic and paranoid. He’ll feel like you’re trying to restrain him, hold him down and have your way with him.

Don’t speak to Sam, or at all. Lucifer probably conjured up hallucinations of you to taunt and abuse him. Your voice might make him question whether you’re real or just another illusion of Lucifer’s to slowly break him down. It’s better if he doesn’t realize you’re there at all.

Do just wait until Sam is done. It usually takes a few minutes, but his breathing eventually evens out enough that he’s not shaking with each breath. His shoulders will relax, his arms will ease from around his legs, and his head will slowly come up.

When Sam finally looks up, finds Gabriel with his eyes, twitches his hand vaguely in Gabriel’s direction, Gabriel takes that as his opening and steps forward- not too fast, though. Sam’s still not all there. You have to be gentle around him, like a scared deer. If you approach too fast, it’ll bolt and probably get hit by a truck on the highway.

Sam’s been too close to roadkill too many times already.

When Gabriel reaches Sam, he simply rests his hand on Sam’s shoulder, giving him the contact he needs without crowding him, and Sam flinches, barely imperceptible, and his trembling eases.

After another few minutes of this, Sam calms down enough to stand up, and shakily make his way back into the bedroom. Gabriel walks in front of him because Sam won’t give his back to anyone when he’s like this, not even him or Dean.

Sam climbs into bed, always keeping his eyes on Gabriel out of paranoia, and settles under the covers. Gabriel gets in beside him, facing him, so Sam never loses sight of his eyes.

“Gabe,” Sam whispers, so soft Gabriel barely hears him, but Gabriel knows what he’s asking for. Wordlessly, he raises two fingers, Sam following them with his eyes as if his hand were a poisonous snake coming near him, and touches them to Sam’s temple. Sam’s eyes fall shut, Grace-induced sleep taking him under, leaving no chance for any more nightmares of the Cage.

Once Sam is asleep, Gabriel watches over him, runs his fingers through Sam’s hair. It’s more for his own comfort than Sam’s, Sam being too far under to even feel it. It makes Gabriel feel better, Sam here with him, in bed with him, big and warm next with him and not suffering down in the Cage with Gabriel’s brother.

Sometimes Gabriel misses Lucifer, misses his big brother and everything he was before he Fell. And then Sam has breakdowns like these, and Gabriel remembers that Lucifer is the one that did this, the one that broke this beautiful, perfect man, took him beyond the breaking point of his sanity and then another fifty miles.

And Gabriel feels proper celestial rage that he hasn’t felt since he ran away from Heaven.

So he strokes his fingers through Sam’s hair and does his best to undo what Lucifer did, because it’s the only thing he can do.


End file.
